He loves me, he loves me not
by awriting-love
Summary: Not only is Kurt the reason Blaine tried to end his life, he's also the reason he's still alive. So they should cancel each other out, right? But nothing is ever that simple, especially when Quinn Fabray's involved. Klaine and a Quaine friendship. Note: Trigger warnings, suicide and self harm. First story, so please please review!
1. Chapter 1

16th January 2012

Blaine slowly climbed onto the rickety wooden stool, tensing his jaw to stop the tears from flowing. He knew this day would be his last and had dressed for the occasion: a Diesel Stuart long-sleeved shirt, salmon Tommy Bahama chinos and a bowtie. Fashion was the only thing that made him vaguely happy these days. That and singing.

He'd joined the Glee Club in his first week of school, about 2 years ago. He'd been dubious at first, thinking it was American and cheesy, but had eventually given in to the smiling faces and the urge to perform. The urge to actually excel at something, to make his father proud. He'd auditioned with Tom Jones' 'It's Not Unusual' and had received a standing ovation for it. It had been one of the happiest moments of his life, and there were to be few after that, though he didn't know that back then. In that moment he was so naively hopeful and had walked back to his dorm with a spring in his step, arm in arm with a beautiful blonde cheerleader. If only he had known, maybe he could've prepared himself for what was to follow. All he needed was a warning, which was one of the many things he would never receive.

He stood on top of the stool, gently tightening the rope around his neck. He knew the Men's Toilets weren't the best place for him to end his life, but being at a boarding school didn't give him much choice. He'd tried to resist coming to the McKinley High Boarding Houses in London, England as he knew how hard it would be to fit in given his sexuality, but of course his father dismissed it. Blaine hadn't expected any different. The only thing that had kept him sane up to this point was his brother Cooper living a 5 minute walk from the school. But his brother was a famous actor, and was needed for more important things than looking after his oversensitive younger brother. So Cooper had left for America yesterday, leaving his brother with a promise to return as soon as the musical had been filmed. Blaine had been left in a boarding house with 500 pupils in the middle of England's busiest city, having never felt so alone.

_**Seconds, minutes, days, years. All had dragged by slowly, never offering any release or resolution. The feeling of his body slammed against lockers, of icy slushies and syrup stinging his eyes, of the echoing sound of laughter lead by cold blue eyes. No one cared. No one seemed to notice. "It gets better" sticky sweet voices intoned. Lies. All lies. It just kept getting worse. Soon Blaine had their taunting faces visiting him in his dreams, and then it became a reality. The pranks became deadly, leaving Blaine fearing his life. He quit sports classes so he didn't have to worry about hiding scars and would avoid the lunch room so he didn't have to make excuses for his lack of appetite. He became a ghost and no one noticed, not even his Glee Club companions. He was shy and this made it difficult for him to make friends immediately. But he'd been a member of the Glee Club for 2 years so had naturally grown close to a certain few. Quinn Fabray had seemed like a shallow cheerleader but comforted Blaine and would loyally clear the red dye number 2 out of his eyes. It also turned out they had a lot in common, and he'd spent a lot of his free time with her. But even she couldn't imagine the despair Blaine was going through. So it was the end, the end of only having one or two friends, failing his classes despite his intelligence, paying his roommates to not give the bullies their room keys. Make no mistake, Blaine Anderson was a fighter. He wasn't giving up. He was just giving in**_

Blaine sighed and whispered a small prayer, despite his lack of religion. He rocked slowly on the chair, in time to the tune in his head.

_The zombies in the park they're looking for my heart_

_A dark world aches for a splash of the sun._

Taking his last breath, Blaine revelled in the feeling of oxygen in his lungs and the quick beating of his heart in his chest. The quiet was overwhelming, and no one but the voices in his head were urging him to stop. So Blaine Anderson stepped off the rickety wooden stool and fell into oblivion and away from a place he no longer dreaded.


	2. Chapter 2

2 weeks earlier

"There, do you like that, gay boy?" Azimio shrieked, grabbing Blaine's curls and slamming his head against the locker. Blaine fell to the floor, blackness creeping into the corners of his eyes. He could feel bile rising in his throat and fought it back down, concentrating on not showing the football players his pain. So he pulled himself back up and simply straightened his bowtie, before turning away from the threatening threesome. He wasn't really scared of them, at least not the moronic Dave Karofsky and Azimio. Their leader was different though, and knew exactly how to get under Blaine's skin. Kurt Hummel would stand back while his henchmen beat Blaine up, and then step forward to whisper threats into Blaine's ear that no one else could hear. His words were like poison and would scare Blaine to tears. But there was something else about Kurt that terrified Blaine, something even more disturbing. Blaine was actually attracted to him, but then again everyone was. Kurt was attractive; there was no doubt about that. He had pale, flawless skin framed by perfectly coiffed hair and high cheekbones. His eyes were icy blue and would not only fill Blaine's nightmares but also make him melt. Blaine had once read about something called Stockholm syndrome, where a victim would fall in love his captor, and Blaine thought he had something similar. While Kurt hadn't actually captured Blaine, he certainly wasn't free. And Blaine was definitely in love with him.

"I'm gonna kick his ass!" Karofsky grumbled, starting to chase after Blaine. But Kurt grabbed his elbow as he stormed past.

"I've got this one Dave, I'll see you back at the dorm." Karofsky tried to put up a fight but was pulled away by Azimio. Kurt gently patted down his hair, licked his lips, and followed after the curly-haired boy.

"Oi, wait up!" Blaine heard the silky soft voice of his tormentor behind him, and slowed up. He was going to catch up eventually, there was no point fighting it. And so Kurt grabbed Blaine by the shoulders and whispered in his ear,

"Come on, my darling, we've got a date with the roof." Blaine couldn't stop the moan that escaped his lips, causing Kurt to smirk.

"You've got nothing to be scared of, baby. Since when have I hurt you?" Blaine didn't answer, but could feel Kurt's fingers making bruises on his shoulders. He simply made his way to the roof, and wondered how to get through the next hour.

_**"Hey." Quinn jumped at the soft voice behind her and turned around with a scowl on her face. She was about to snap when she saw the kind, unassuming face of Blaine Anderson, the new kid in Glee. Her face immediately softened and she gave him a smile._

"_Hey. It's Blaine, right? I'm Quinn." She gently shook his hand and he smiled at her, clearly amused by the formality of it all. _

"_A pleasure to meet you, young Quinn." He bent down and kissed her hand, causing her to giggle and swat at him fondly. "May I walk you to your next lesson?"_

_She nodded, still giggling and linked arms with him. She wouldn't normally do this with a guy but his kindness and genuine smile made her trust him. His hip bumped against hers rhythmically as they walked along in silence. She could see him stealing glances at her and she couldn't help but smile. _

"_You look very pretty Quinn." He whispered in her ear. She made a face at him, and shifted uncomfortably in his grip._

"_I'm sorry Blaine, you're lovely, but I've had a hard time recently and I'm not really…" She stopped short when she realised he was laughing at her, really laughing. His eyes were twinkling, tears were making a journey down his cheeks and his body was shaking._

"_I'm sorry Quinn, you're lovely," He repeated, mimicking her, "But I'm not on your team." Quinn's defence collapsed when she realised what the joke was._

"_I was just giving you a compliment, silly." They chuckled against each other, and Quinn wiped Blaine's eyes for him._

"_I'm so sorry, I'm such an idiot. I can't believe I just said that, I'm so big-headed." Quinn shook her head, still laughing._

"_No, no, don't be a dork. It sounded like I was hitting on you; I should be the one apologising." The sincere look on Blaine's face made Quinn crack up again as she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek._

"_See you later, Quinn." He smiled and returned the kiss._

_She turned away and walked towards her English class, "Looking forward to it!" She called behind her._

"_Still not on your team." He shot back, making her erupt into giggles again.** _

Quinn leant against her locker, smiling at the memory. That rainy Tuesday, the day Blaine Anderson strutted into her life, was one of the best days of her life. She'd met a real friend that day, someone she genuinely loved spending time with. He'd make a perfect boyfriend to someone one day, she just knew it.

"Hey." And there he was, talk of the devil. Quinn turned around enthusiastically, ready to spill the recent gossip she'd just found out.

"Oh my gosh, have you heard the… Blainey? What's up?"

Blaine's face was as pale as milk and his eyes were twitching uncontrollably. His whole body was shaking and tears were pouring down his face.

"Roof..." He hiccupped, trying to get the words out, "Falling… Kurt…" Quinn's face fell as soon as Blaine mentioned Kurt's name. As a cheerleader she'd Kurt, they all had, and she was never sure about him. But when she became friends with Blaine, she had discovered what it was that she hadn't liked: Kurt was evil. There was no other word to describe him, he was simply evil.

"Come here, it's okay, I'm here." Quinn opened her arms and Blaine fell into them, sobbing into her shoulder. She rubbed his back and made motherly noises to calm him down. Slowly, his cries quietened down and his body stopped shaking. She still held him, tears creeping out of the corner of her own eyes. All Blaine needed was someone to comfort him, and Quinn was happy to oblige, but he needed someone else. He needed his Dad. And Quinn knew that was one thing he would probably never have. Yes, his Dad was alive, but Blaine was dead to him. And he'd been dead to him since the day he'd come out of the closet.

"Thank you Quinn." Blaine whispered into her, hiccupping slightly.

"I'd do anything for you Blaine, anything." She felt him relax at her words and she gave him a quick squeeze before releasing him. "Come on, let's go get you a coffee and I'll even treat you to a cookie if you're good."

Blaine's face lit up at her words and he linked arms with her cheekily. "White choc chip?"

"Of course, why would I get you any other type?" She laughed. She walked along the empty corridor with Blaine, hoping they'd get away with not going to their Spanish class. With Mr Scheuster as a teacher, he probably wouldn't even notice. She held onto Blaine tighter as he led her to the cafeteria, swinging rhythmically against his hip, like she belonged there.

"So, what happened Blainey? And don't say 'nothing', you have to tell me." They'd reached the cafeteria and had settled at a table with their coffees and cookies. Blaine's shoulders tensed and his eyes dropped, his confidence suddenly lost. But Quinn waited patiently, knowing he'd tell her. At the beginning Quinn had tried to force Blaine to tell a teacher or his parents or someone, but of course he refused. Blaine was the most stubborn person she knew and wouldn't agree after her persuading either. So they'd made a deal: Blaine would tell Quinn everything that happened, no matter how big or small, and Quinn wouldn't tell anyone else.

"He took me up to the roof and told me this crazy story about this boy he knew who could fly, or some crap like that. So then he pushed me closer to the edge, and asked if I could fly. Of course I shook my head and he was saying 'how do you know' and 'you don't know until you've tried'. So he pushed me to the very edge and made me sit down with my legs dangling into nothing," Blaine wiped his face quickly, pausing for strength, "And he sat next to me for a bit, and we just sat in silence. It could have been relaxing, had his hand not been holding mine." Quinn couldn't help but gasp, but Blaine shook his head and smiled sadly, "It wasn't like that, he was doing it so I couldn't run away. Anyway, he must have got bored or something because he got up and pulled me up after him. He stood behind me on the roof, and pushed me forward slowly until my toes were hanging off the edge. Quinn, I was terrified, I seriously thought I was going to die. But we just stood there, his arms wrapped around my waist and his chin resting on my shoulder. It was so horrible, it was so high up and I was so scared."

Blaine fell silent, tears falling down his face once again. But Quinn didn't comfort him this time, instead letting the information sink in. Blaine thought Kurt held him so he couldn't get away, but Quinn had a different theory.

"What are you planning?" Blaine asked, clearly worried. Quinn snapped herself out of her daydream, and smiled mischievously.

"Let's just say Kurt won't have much to bully you for anymore."


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey readers! Here's my 2****nd**** Chapter, sorry for the long update- I've been sunning myself in Spain. To make up for it, I've given you an extra-long chapter. Thanks for reading, it means a lot. And please please review- just tell me the things you like and don't like so I know what to add and take out. Oh, and my tumblr's .com if you're interested. Love you forever x**

15th February 2012

A soft knock on the door in the middle of the night was all Quinn needed to know something was wrong.

She hadn't really been sleeping anyway, instead listening to the soft cursing of Santana in her sleep and Brittany's ground-shaking snores. Her mind had been on other things- Kurt Hummel to be exact. Blaine's naivety was adorable, but she wasn't fooled. No straight boy would cosy up to an openly gay boy like that. Now all she needed was proof; she had considered asking Santana for help, that girl was an expert at revenge, but had decided against it. Blaine was her best friend, she needed to do this alone.

Quinn slipped into her slippers and padded silently to the door. She pulled it open, wincing at the loud creak, and came face to face with Blaine. He was trembling violently and his face was white as a sheet. She had never seen him so terrified. Her heart went out to him; he looked so vulnerable with his messy hair and faded pyjamas. Quinn grabbed his hand and yanked him towards the girls' bathroom down the hall. She expertly hung the 'Out of Order' sign on the door and locked them in. She had grabbed some blankets, pillows and Red Vines so 5 minutes later they were settled on the floor, curled up into each other and Quinn had managed to coax some sweets into Blaine.

"What happened, Blainey?" Quinn whispered, stroking his arm. Blaine stiffened and tried to control his breathing.

"They… They came. T-to my bedroom." He started weakly.

"I thought you'd paid off your roommates to not give them your room keys?" Quinn instantly knew who 'they' were. Azimio, Karofsky and him. Kurt.

Blaine shrugged, "I guess fear has no price."

"What did they do?"

"Dragged me to their dorm. Azimio and Karofsky got some pretty decent punches in before Kurt stopped them." Quinn noticed the red welts on his arms and his black eyes and wished she'd remembered to bring some Arnica.

"So they went off and Kurt pinned me to the bed and… He kissed me, Quinn. He kissed me."

Quinn gasped. She _knew _it! She couldn't help but feel a little bit smug, but she shook the feeling off.

"Blainey," She whispered, "I'm so sorry. That must have been awful. I don't know what to think!" She reached up and stroked his face, catching his tears.

Blaine closed his eyes and swallowed deeply before answering, "I kissed him back."

Quinn recoiled, "What?! I understand you aren't getting much action Blainey, but I didn't think you'd accept it from whomever! This guy made your life hell, Blaine."

"I know! You don't need to remind me!" Blaine snapped back, "But it was so tender, so bloody caring. And afterwards he just stroked my face and said 'you are beautiful Blaine, I am sorry for everything.' Then he walked off."

"Spare me the details, please, I don't want to throw up." Quinn said dryly. Blaine looked hurt and went to speak but Quinn got there first.

"Why did you look so scared when you came here? If it was so freaking charming?"

"Because," Blaine replied, raising his voice, "It freaked me out! He obviously doesn't want a relationship, just some sex toy. What if he, you know, forces me into something?"

"For goodness sake Blaine! Why are you so God damn stupid?!" Blaine raised his eyebrows at her Blasphemy which angered her even more. "You could stop this right now! Tell him to leave you alone, or you'll tell everyone. And the school will believe you, because no way could you make up something like that. But instead, you whimper about how lovely it was but how he might abuse you later on. Just grow up and get a pair why don't you?" She stayed looking at the floor, afraid to meet Blaine's eyes.

"Why are you being so mean?" She could hear the hurt in Blaine's voice but the red mist had filled her head; there was no going back.

"Because I have listened to you whine for 2 years now, but I've never seen you do anything about it. It's making you sick, Blaine! Can't you see that? I am so bored of it now, so bored."

There were a couple of seconds of silence before Blaine whispered, "I think you should leave now."

"I think that's a grand idea." Quinn stood up, handed the last of the Red Vines to Blaine and stormed out of the bathroom.

16th February 2012

Blaine woke up just as the sun was starting to fill the bathroom with light. His head was at an unnatural angle and he had pins and needles all up his legs. He clicked his neck back into place and spent 5 minutes massaging the feeling into his calves, while going over the night before. His argument with Quinn; his kiss with Kurt. That kiss… There were no words to explain it. It was perfect. He knew Quinn would take it badly but had not expected her reaction. He thought she'd be mad at Kurt, not him. Blaine dared a look at his watch and saw he was already late for first period. He swore quietly and began to fold up the blankets. He'd return them to Quinn's room later, and write her a note. She loved getting notes from him, that would put him in her good books. Deciding there was no point in trying to get to his lesson, he headed down to the dining room to get an early breakfast instead.

Quinn meanwhile, was sitting in her Year 11 Spanish class, missing her best friend dearly. She missed his tapping on the desk and the way he'd whistle when he didn't understand something. She missed how he'd send her little notes- she loved his notes- and sign them 'Your Favourite Blainey x'. She missed his adorable snigger when Mr Scheuster came into the classroom in another vest, and his ability to write rude jokes in a different language. She missed him like crazy. But the conversation she'd had with Coach Sue that morning was still fresh in her mind, and was driving her mad.

Santana had come up to her at breakfast, telling her that Coach Sue wanted to see her straight away. So Quinn had bolted down her toast and rushed to the office where she knew her cheerleading coach would be.

"Coach Sylvester? You wanted to see me?"

"That's right Q, you're feeling bright this morning." Quinn ignored the sarcasm and took a seat at the desk. Coach Sylvester leaned forward in her chair, hand gripping a protein shake.

"You're no longer my head cheerleader Quinn."

"What?!" Quinn sat up straighter in her chair, leaning forward too. "How come? What have I done? I dropped those extra 5 pounds!"

But her protests fell on empty ears. Coach Sue simply shook her head. "Now I know that you've been through a lot Quinn, and it's only natural that you'd want to share that with someone. But your new friend, Blaine Anderson, is causing quite a stir. I've had a lot of complaints from parents about my head cheerleader's best friend being the only gay kid in school."

"Not the only gay kid in school." Quinn muttered but Coach Sylvester carried on.

"Now Quinn, I really care about you. And seeing as you are boarding here, and are a long way from home, I consider myself as your mother while you're here. But I'm also your cheerleading coach. So I am asking you to choose between your squad, and your friend. I'm sorry it had to come to this Quinn." Quinn nodded, knowing her Coach actually couldn't care less. "Now get the hell out of my office. "

So Quinn was now sitting in her Spanish class, with her best friend's seat empty beside her, never having felt so lost.

Blaine wandered the corridors, waiting for break to begin so he could see Quinn again. He needed to apologise for being an idiot, and he wanted to be her friend again. He felt his phone buzzing in his pocket and checked he was still alone before getting it out. It was a text from Cooper:

**Coop: **_Hey bro! How's it hanging? Between your legs I hope. Anyway, just to let you know that I got the lead in JCSS that I auditioned for. Can you believe it? I will now only answer to Jesus or perhaps Christ. But definitely not Cooper. Only problem is, they need me to leave straight away. I'm booked on a flight that leaves at 1pm, so there's no chance of me saying goodbye. I'll ring you as soon as I land in NYC, but I have no idea what time that'll be. I'm sorry man, I know we were gonna hang out this weekend. But I love you forever little bro, I'll speak to you soon. Be strong, please. Cooper x_

Blaine smiled at his phone; his brother was such an idiot. A talented idiot, sure, but still an idiot. He was going to miss him, especially since he was going to stay at his that weekend, but he was proud of him. He typed a quick reply back:

**Me: **_Wait, it's meant to hang between my legs?! Jokes. Congrats Coop. I'm so proud; I knew you could do it. Give me a ring when you land, it's been a crazy couple of days and I need to hear your voice. Don't worry about this weekend; we'll do it some other time. I love you for longer. Remember to comb your hair. Blainey x_

The bell rang just as he clicked send. Blaine suddenly felt a jolt of nerves, but shook them off, feeling ridiculous. It was only Quinn; there was nothing to be nervous of. He tried out a smile, and set off for Quinn's locker.

Quinn spotted Blaine at her locker and stopped suddenly, staring at him. He had her back to him and she could she little curls escaping the back of his gel helmet. He looked so gorgeous in his cropped chinos and checked button down. Her eyes filled with tears; she loved him so much. But she knew what she had to do.

"Hey Blaine." She saw him jump and smiled. He smiled back shyly and went to give her hug, but she pushed him away. "We need to talk."

"I know, I'm so sorry Quinn, I overreacted-"Blaine started but Quinn shushed him.

"No,_ I_ need to talk to _you_. Not the other way round." Blaine looked shocked but nodded.

"I want you to stop hanging around with me. It's not good for either of us. I just think we should go our separate ways; you with your friends and me with mine."

Blaine's jaw dropped, "But I don't have any friends."

"I know, and that's not healthy. I'm doing this for your own good."

"Bullshit!" Blaine shouted, slamming his hand against the lockers. "You're doing this because I'm not _cool_ enough for you, being the only gay guy at school."

"You're not the only gay guy at school." Quinn muttered again.

"No, maybe not, but I'm definitely the most hated guy at school. You know what Quinn, go screw yourself. I thought you were different, but you're not. You're the same as all these shallow bitches. Power-hungry, malicious bitches."

"Oh shut up Blaine, do us all a favour and take a running jump." She regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. She tried to take them back but Blaine shook his head, turned on his heel and sloped down the corridor.

Quinn was left speechless, silent tears running down her face. What had she done?

Blaine ran down the shiny corridor, tears blocking his vision completely. First Cooper, then Quinn? Why was everyone leaving him? He was so upset he ran straight into Kurt Hummel. Though Kurt was only slight, he was still muscular and Blaine fell to the floor. Kurt towered over him, a sneer playing on his lips.

"What happened, Blaine? You lose your mascara?" Blaine glared up at him, his anger bubbling inside him.

"You're feeling pretty brave, Kurt. Seeing as I know about your little _secret_, I thought you'd try being a bit nicer to me." But Blaine's threats didn't even make Kurt blink. He simply kneeled down and whispered in his ear.

"Oh yeah, if you tell anyone about that, I will kill you. I promise you; I will kill you with my bare hands."

Blaine froze with fear. He got death threats weekly from Azimio and Karofsky but they were all talk and no trousers. But Blaine had no doubt that Kurt would follow through with his words. Kurt smiled an evil smile and left him lying on the floor; walking back the way he had come. Blaine snapped out of his daze and scrambled to his feet.

"Oh yeah? What if I do it for you?" He shouted after Kurt, leaving his dignity on the floor. Kurt stopped and slowly turned to face him again. He shrugged, "Even better." and disappeared around the corner.

Blaine was stumbling around the school, completely ignoring the thought of lessons he was missing and the detentions he would get. Because none of these things mattered anymore. Cooper's words 'be strong, please' were running through his mind on loop, filling all his thoughts. Cooper was his hero, the only one who kept him sane. But this time, Cooper wasn't here. And as much as Blaine wanted to follow his words of wisdom, he couldn't. Sure, he was fighter, but this wasn't a fight worth fighting anymore. So at exactly 8pm, Blaine slipped into the boys' bathroom and said goodbye to the life he was supposedly living.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello readers! So here's chapter 3, it's a bit rubbish I apologise but it's more of a filler chapter than anything else. Well I hope you enjoy it anyway, and please review, your words are music to my ears. X**

_**The first time Kurt Hummel had ever seen Blaine Anderson was a Monday lunchtime. He'd heard all about him, of course; the new queer on the block. There had been another one, Matthew Collins, but Kurt and his friends made Matthew's life so miserable he transferred after two terms. Kurt had fancied him too._

_But now there was a new boy to bully, but apparently he wasn't like the last. Apparently he had guts. Apparently he was hilarious. Apparently he could sing. Apparently he was handsome. Kurt couldn't wait to lay eyes on him._

_Azimio spotted him first, at the food counter. He was smiling shyly at the dinner lady, and then laughing at some awful joke she'd made. Blaine Anderson wasn't a stereotypical gay; he enjoyed football and wasn't a big fan of shopping. He was a real fashion geek, but he preferred buying his stuff online than traipsing around shops for hours on end. He enjoyed the thrill of opening packages and discovering treasures inside you'd forgotten you'd ordered. And when it came to Blaine's clothes, they truly were treasures. Cashmere jumpers and expensive shirts with coloured buttons. Polo shirts and perfectly fitted trousers. Patterned bowties and intricately designed leather shoes. It was his fashion sense that made him stand out, hat unforgettable Monday. He was sporting a pair of tight jeans, a polo shirt with a white V-neck jumper and a swanky bowtie. He also wore a straw hat, the kind all stylish English boys wore, balanced precariously over his gelled hair. He looked handsome, and was getting compliments left, right and centre. Kurt longed to run up and give him a compliment on his bowtie and ask where he bought his jumper, and to tell him he had a pair of jeans exactly like the ones he was wearing. Kurt looked down at the clothes he was wearing: a pair of faded trousers, a grey tee and his football jacket. He felt ashamed; he didn't want the fashionable new boy to see him like this. _

_Dave Karofsky broke his thoughts by snarling, "Seriously, all those compliments? He looks ridiculous. Why don't we teach him a lesson, boys?" Azimio nodded his agreement and Kurt gave a small, fake smile. The last thing he wanted to do was give Blaine a lesson, at least not the sort of lesson his friends had planned. But he went along anyway. _

_Karofsky led this 'intervention'. He slapped the back of Blaine's hat, sending it flying into a bowl of pasta. Everyone immediately pretended to be very busy; Kurt felt like screaming at them. Blaine simply shook his head and carried on serving himself salad._

"_What up gay boy?" Blaine ignored them, now staring desperately at his ruined hat. Azimio nudged Kurt, making it obvious it was his turn to lay down the law. Kurt tensed his jaw, silently apologising to Blaine for what he was about to do._

"_Look at me when I'm talking to you." Kurt hissed, grabbing Blaine's jaw and yanking his head up so their eyes were level. _

"_I apologise, your highness." Blaine's answer shocked Dave and Azimio. Kurt hid a smile, but kept his calm exterior._

"_What did you say?" Kurt asked menacingly, stepping even closer to the shorter boy. _

"_Sorry, is that not how you view yourself around here? As royalty? Because it sure seems like it. Oh, and you've got food in your teeth." And on that bombshell Blaine yanked his chin from Kurt's now feeble grasp. He gave them all a deep bow for good measure, tucked his hat under his arm and walked away with his head held high. A ripple of applause followed him from the room._

_It was that first encounter with the brave and beautiful Blaine Anderson that made Kurt 100% sure he was gay.**_

"Oi, Kurt, are you even listening?" Kurt snapped out of the memory, and came back to the present. He was sitting in his dorm, absently playing with his hair. Azimio was sitting opposite him, picking his nose and making some moronic comment on how weirdly hot Miss Pillsbury was for a virgin. Kurt felt like crying. Was this really what his life had come to? He was in love with another boy, the same boy he had bullied for 2 years and had threatened to kill 4 hours earlier. And it wasn't making him happy, not in the slightest.

"Ur, yeah, of course I was." Kurt rolled onto his stomach and was hit with another memory.

_**"Oh my god, I hate the library." Kurt moaned to Puck, his fellow football player. Kurt didn't particularly like Puck, but respected him. He was an excellent football player and had the guts to pursue his dreams of singing, even when it made him uncool. _

"_I didn't even know this place existed, I thought it was an orgy place for geeks."_

"_It kind of is." Kurt shot back, and they guffawed. After composing themselves, they headed for a table at the back and got out their English essays. Kurt would never normally dream of going to the library to do homework, but this essay was due in tomorrow and Azimio had some cheerleader up in their dorm. He'd just started writing about the ways Shakespeare created a powerful exposition in Macbeth when he heard a dreamy voice behind him. _

"_I am not a geek, Quinn, I just want to read my favourite part of the book to you!"_

"_Blaine, enjoying Harry Potter enough to have a 'favourite part' is geeky!"_

"_It so isn't!" The laughter of the two teenagers made Kurt smile, and he put down his pen to listen some more. _

"_Alright, alright, go on! Read it to me." _

"_Okay, here we go… 'Albus Severus... you were named for the two headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them was a Slytherin and he was probably the bravest man I ever knew.'"_

"_Beautiful Blaine, now can I carry on with my work?" Kurt could hear the smile in her voice._

"_It is beautiful, and of course you can." Blaine laughed again and Kurt could hear the rustling of him putting the book away. How he longed to tell him that that was his favourite part too, and how much it meant to him. How he wanted someone to call him a brave man, even though he was supposedly a bad person. How Harry Potter had made him accept himself and his enemies. How Severus Snape and been an inspiration to him, how he should be an inspiration to everyone out there._

_But instead Kurt just carried on writing.**_

"So do you think she's hot? Man do I want to pop that cherry." Azimio slapped the bed suggestively.

This is it, Kurt thought to himself. This is your first step towards being brave.

"I don't know, Az. I can't see her in that sort of way. I struggle to see any girl that way, actually, to be honest." Azimio's jaw slackened and Kurt took advantage of his hesitation. "I've got to go see someone Az, I'll be back later. Don't wait up."

And Kurt slipped out of the room, walking in a different man's shoes.

7.55pm. Kurt had been wandering the corridors for an hour, looking for the boy he'd been trying to impress for years. But Blaine was nowhere to be seen. He didn't dare ask anyone if they'd seen him, they'd think he was trying to bully him or something.

7.56pm. Kurt turned onto the East Wing corridor and had a thought. The roof! Blaine was in a bad way, so in his twisted mind the roof would be the best way to… Get things done. Kurt rushed back around and headed up.

7.58pm. Kurt arrived at the roof, sweating and panting. He got his breath back and surveyed the area around him. No Blaine. Kurt walked around the perimeter, racking his brains for more ideas. He was concentrating so hard he almost missed the message in the dust:

I'm sorry Coop. I love you.

7.59pm. "Quinn! Quinn, come back!"

"What do you want, Hummel?" Quinn's icy glare met Kurt's worried one.

"Who was 'Coop' to Blaine?" Confusion flooded Quinn's face. That was not the question she was expecting.

"Why?"

"Please Quinn, I'm begging you." Kurt pleaded.

"Cooper's his brother, he lives locally. Why? Is he in trouble?"

"Thank you, Quinn. Thank you so much." And Kurt set off again, ignoring all of her questions.

8.01pm. Kurt collapsed on the floor in front of Blaine's locker. He'd spent too long trying to find him and now the adrenaline was wearing off, he was tired. He wearily picked himself off the floor and dragged his feet down the hallway.

8.04pm. Kurt entered the bathroom on the second floor, needing a drink and a shower. He started running some water and splashed his face. He was so tired, and so upset. All he needed was Blaine; he needed to tell him how brave he had been. But he wasn't anywhere to be found. Kurt looked in the mirror at his bloodshot eyes and pale face. He saw something swaying slightly behind him and slowly turned around. As his eyes focused, he realised what it was.

"Blaine!" He shouted and his mind slipped into auto-pilot. He didn't need to think about what he was doing. He grabbed Blaine around the waist and took the pressure of the rope that was around his neck. While still holding him up, Kurt grabbed the Swiss Army Knife from his pocket and worked at clumsily cutting the rope off. He accidently drew blood on Blaine's neck but the rope eventually gave way. Now holding the whole of Blaine's weight, Kurt placed him in the recovery position on the floor and whipped out his mobile.

8.10pm. The paramedics rushed into the bathroom, and saw the unconscious boy and his saviour lying on the floor. They rushed around, giving the boy some oxygen and getting him on a stretcher. His friend didn't let go of his hand for a second. The paramedic was about to tell him to back off, but decided against it. Though it made treating the patient a little bit more difficult, both boys looked as if they needed support. So the paramedic stayed quiet.

8.12pm. Kurt sat in the back of the ambulance with Blaine, tears cascading down his cheeks.

"I was brave Blaine, I was brave like you. I was brave like Severus Snape, and like Harry Potter. I did the right thing. And now it's your turn, Blaine. It's your turn to be strong. And I believe in you."


	5. Chapter 5

Kurt Hummel walked along the shiny corridor, cold slushie in his hand. But Kurt Hummel didn't walk, he _strutted_. He owned those floors and boy did he know it. People parted like the Red Sea when he approached, would stop and stare when he gave them a sideways glance. Being quarterback of the football team did this to anyone, but with Kurt it was so much more. It was his self-confidence, but not arrogance. It was his attitude, but not bragging. It was his obscurity, but not weirdness. He was the guy everyone wanted to be. But of course, Kurt Hummel had a secret.

He had chosen his next target, and could see her about 50 metres away. Quinn Fabray. She used to be popular, so of course he had history with her, but now she was A Nobody. Without her Cheerio's outfit on, she was invisible and Kurt fed off people like this. He reached her without her even realising, and breathed heavily through his mouth so she'd turn round. The first thing she saw was the beautiful face of her ex-boyfriend. The second thing she saw was the slushie in his hand.

"Oh no…" She gasped, but it was too late. The syrup was burning her eyes, dripping from her mouth and staining her clothes. A small moan escaped her lips, knowing she'd be late for her Chemistry class for the second time that week due to some arsehole thinking he could treat her like dirt. Kurt simply looked at the girl he had once cared for and turned on his heel, completely indifferent to the event. He did the same thing every day, every week. True, he hadn't slushied Quinn in a while, but she was no different to Artie Abrams or Mike Chang. They were all Glee Club losers.

"What's your game, Hummel? You've finished one guy off, are you just going to keep on going until we're all dead?" Quinn screamed down the corridor. Kurt's body froze and Quinn knew she'd hit a nerve. She continued, this time in a softer tone. "You're just a bully, Kurt Hummel, you're nothing special. Oh wait, you are, aren't you? That's right, Blaine told me everything. So maybe you'll choose your victims more carefully." Quinn paused for breath and stepped closer to Kurt, "You have killed my best friend Kurt, and I will make you pay for it."

Kurt slowly turned to face the blonde again, being careful to keep his poker face. "He's not dead," he whispered.

"Maybe not physically, but mentally he's done. He'll never be the same again. And that's because of _you_, Kurt Hummel. You were the one who made him step onto that stool and slip that rope around his neck. And I don't think you'll be able to stay brave for much longer." Despite dripping strawberry-flavoured slushie into her shoes, Quinn had Kurt right in the palm of her hand.

"I didn't mean to hurt anyone." His voice was so quiet Quinn had to step even closer to hear it. "It was an accident." He repeated, as Quinn shone inside. She'd done it, she'd broken him and he was going to go down. She had waited for months for this moment, the moment when she could end the boy who had hurt her best friend. Who had hurt _her_. But just as quickly as he'd softened, it was over. Kurt snapped his head up, locking eyes with the shorter girl. He looked her up and down and reached round to grab her bum. "You need to go clean yourself up, little Quinny." He then twisted away from her disgusted face and walked away, his cackle flooding the crowded hallways.

"Ok, kids, sit down, sit down. Finn and Rachel, can you please stop playing tonsil tennis, it's making me feel sick. "Mr Scheuster grinned cheekily as he walked into the choir room his usual 5 minutes late. He pulled up a chair and sat on it the wrong way round as he waited for the 11 kids to settle down. Once they were all quiet, he spoke again, "I know it's been a hard week for all of you. Only a few of you were close to Blaine but he was one of us and bloody amazing at singing, there's no doubt about that. Quinn, I know you've been to visit him, so why don't you come and explain his condition to us?" Quinn nodded and walked to the middle of the choir room in her expensive yellow dress and perfect bobbed blonde hair. She cleared her throat before talking.  
"He's stable, but still comatose. The doctors are worried he'll have brain damage when he wakes up due to the lack of oxygen getting to his brain but they can't know anything until he actually comes to. They're certain he will wake up soon though, which is a good thing I suppose. And he looked so peaceful, just lying there. I held his hand and told him about our plans for your wedding Mr Scheu. I'm sure he'll be back here with us soon." She smiled and sat back down.  
"I do hope so." Mr Scheu took over from Quinn and began writing on the board. HOPE. "Our assignment for this week is to all sing a song for Blaine that you think would get him through his darkest days. I want you all to come up with something, sing it to the class and then we'll record them and put them on a CD for him, so he can still hear us even when he's not here. Rachel, you've already got something prepared right?"  
"Yes I do Mr Cheuster and I think it's the perfect song to start this week. It's what gets me through when I've been slushied or lose a competition so I'm sure it will help-" The precocious brunette was cut off by Quinn Fabray rising from her chair. "What the HELL is he doing here?!" She yelled, her face flushing. The class turned their attention to the choir room door. And standing there, in his pristine football jacket and icy blue eyes trained on Quinn, was Kurt Hummel. The alpha males in the group also got to their feet and started towards the cocky boy in the doorway.

"First," Finn Hudson shouted, feeling confident with Sam Evans and Noah Puckerman at his side, "you ruin a boy's life. Not just a boy's life, but one of my boys. Second, you come swanning into the one place he felt safe. You have no right to be here."

"Arsehole." Sam added.

Kurt was going to come back with some sarcastic comment, but saw Santana walking purposefully towards him and quickly changed his mind. Bitch Santana was much worse than three muscled boys. "I was just leaving." He shrugged indifferently and leant into Sam, lowering his voice "Oh and give Blaine my condolences." He laughed loudly and swiftly retreated before any of the boys, or Santana for that matter, could throw a punch.

"See you later, bro." He shouted as he started off down the corridor.

"You're no brother of mine!" Finn yelled after him, before collapsing in the door frame.

"So" Mr Scheuster sighed, wiping his hand over his tired face. "Let's start from the beginning."  
"Blaine had been here for almost 2 weeks when it first happened." Quinn was talking; Finn and Santana sitting on either side of her, and all three looked worried. There had been questions after the standoff in the choir room and Mr Scheuster had forced them all into telling the story of Kurt and Blaine. "Of course we all knew of Blaine's 'sexual orientation', it wasn't something he kept secret, and we accepted him for it. It made no difference to us, I mean pretty much everyone these days is experimenting these days." Santana nodded and took over.

"But other people weren't so accepting when they found out. It started off with little things, just the guys who wanted attention pushing him into lockers and stuff. But Blaine was really brave about it, took it all in his stride so they eventually left him alone." Santana smiled weakly at Finn who carried on for her.

"Kurt was different though, he's a practiced bully, who targets the weak. But he's also subtle, so we had no idea what was going on until it was too late." Mr Scheuster nodded, and wrote something down.

"And what was that about Kurt being your brother?"

"Yeah, I was going to ask the same thing." Santana added, turning to look at Finn. He sighed and shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"His Dad married my Mum about a year ago. His Dad is the nicest person I know, but I didn't tell anyone because I was so ashamed of who my step-brother was. Now when we leave the boarding houses, we go home together and live together as a happy family. That's it."

Quinn sat at the piano, slowing going through some chords. She'd chosen her song to sing for Blaine as soon as Mr Scheuster had set the assignment, but she wasn't going to perform it to the class. Firstly, it wouldn't actually help Blaine get through his 'Dark Days' but also they'd all know what happened that fateful night exactly a week ago. What Quinn had said, and what Blaine had done as a result of her words. She was singing this song for her own sake, not anyone else's. She relaxed her shoulders and hit the first note of the song.

_Step one you say we need to talk  
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk  
He smiles politely back at you  
You stare politely right on through  
Some sort of window to your right  
As he goes left and you stay right  
Between the lines of fear and blame  
You begin to wonder why you came_

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best  
Cause after all you do know best  
Try to slip past his defence  
Without granting innocence  
Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
And pray to God he hears you  
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice  
You lower yours and grant him one last choice  
Drive until you lose the road  
Or break with the ones you've followed  
He will do one of two things  
He will admit to everything  
Or he'll say he's just not the same  
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life  
How to save a life  
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life

Quinn held the last note, tears streaming down her face. She quickly and quietly dried her face, straightened out her skirt and left for her dorm.  
Cold, blue eyes followed her from the opposite doorway.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello readers! Here's chapter 5 for you to read. I hate to nag, but I would LOVE for you to review, otherwise I don't know whether anyone's actually reading the stuff I'm coming up with… Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and until next time x**

"Give it 5, guys, and then we'll start with _What's The Buzz_ again." The over-excited, balding director bobbed off downstage as his stars groaned and grabbed some water. Cooper Anderson was among them, and was as exhausted as the rest of them. He'd been in America for one week, and was absolutely drowning in the workload. Who knew being Jesus would be so hard?

Cooper grabbed his phone, and his heart sunk. Neither George Clooney nor Blaine had responded to his texts! Seeing as he'd already texted George in the last 24 hours, he typed one out to Blaine instead.

_Hey Blainey! What's up, you ignoring me? Seriously mate, you're making me panic. I haven't heard from you since Thursday morning and you always text me before you go to sleep. It's been a week now, and I'd love to hear from you. I miss you loads, squirt. I'll be back before you know it. Lots of love, Coop (aka the big JC) x_

Cooper forced himself to calm down. Blaine was so clumsy; he'd probably dropped his phone down the toilet or something. Besides, he had enough to worry about than his kid brother, no matter how awesome Blaine was.

"Anderson?" A deep voice broke Cooper's thoughts and he looked up to see his director calling him over. "There's a letter for you."

Cooper leapt up; maybe Blaine had decided to be against technology? He'd done a similar thing when he was 11 and refused to eat anything red. The letter was from England, and felt surprisingly heavy in his hands. Plus, Blaine's handwriting hadn't changed since he had first picked up a pen. His mood now considerably lighter, Cooper ripped open the letter and read.

Thursday 16th February 2012

Hey Coop,

Hope everything's going okay in America, I've heard they do one hell of a coffee in NY so I'm really jealous! I'm sad I won't be able to see your first time on stage, even though you've invited me to the live showing and ordered me five copies of the DVD, but something's cropped up.

Before I go on, you need to know that none of this is your fault. You've been the perfect big brother and the only one who's actually made me happy in this cold, miserable world. When I was in my self-conflict, I thought of everything I was going to miss with you. I am actually shaking with the disappointment of not being able to meet your children, and I can't believe I won't share a nursing home with you and do Duran Duran numbers for the nurses. And, of course, our European road trip with Quinn and whatever hot chick you've got at the time. That, out of everything, is the thing I'm going to miss the most.

So this is it, the end for me. Everything just got too much and I'm trying to be brave, but I think this is the best way to do that. Don't think I'm not happy, in fact this is the best I've felt for a long time. This life is so disappointing that I'm looking forward to leaving it. Don't grieve me, or be angry or feel guilty. Don't feel any emotion, because none of this concerns you. I just need you to know that you were everything to me, and I couldn't have asked for someone as inspirational or as fantastic as you.

I love you with all of my heart Coop, and I always will.

See you on the other side,

Blaine x

PS- I've enclosed the poem you wrote for me as a kid, and the most recent picture of us I could find.

PPS- Don't you DARE quit the show for me! Quinn will look after things until everything's over in America, then you can take over. But don't give up on your dreams, just because I gave up on mine.

Cooper stared at the photo: Blaine in a bowtie and a white jumper with his arm round Cooper. They both had huge grins on their faces and were clutching each other with such happiness it made Cooper smile just looking at it. Where had it all gone wrong? Every time he'd seen his brother, he'd seemed fine. A little bruised perhaps and sometimes limping, but he was perfect emotionally. In fact, it was usually Blaine giving Cooper condolence, not the other way round.

Cooper expected the tears to come, but they didn't. He didn't feel anything, just emptiness. He could hear the director speaking, but had no idea what he was saying. He had made a decision, and even though it made him feel very deep self-loathing, he knew it was the right one. Cooper had never listened to a word that Blaine had said in life, so he owed it to him to listen in death.

"Yes sir, I'm ready to rehears. Sorry for keeping you waiting."

Quinn scurried down the corridor, just trying to get to her next class without being bombarded by questions. Everyone knew she was Blaine's best friend so had questioned her non-stop since his suicide attempt. Without Blaine on her arm she felt empty, and all her confidence had gone. Though of course, she had no one but herself to blame for that. Well, apart from one person.

Kurt crept back into his dorm and quickly packed his things while Azimio and Karofsky were at football practice. Kurt had been successfully ignoring them since he'd taken a tiny step out of the closet and had even quit the football team to stay out of the way. He'd requested to move dorms, and had been accepted, so now it was the task of getting all his things out without being beaten to a pulp. He told Blaine he'd be brave, but he had to concentrate on not ending up in hospital first.

Quinn approached her locker at the end of the day and put in her combination with difficulty. She was rubbish at remembering things like that; it was Blaine who usually told her what to do. Tears were splashing down her cheeks and she quickly dried them up. The school would have a field day if they caught her crying. As she put her books away and packed the things she'd need for that evening, a scrap of paper caught her eye. One thing she never did was let Blaine pack her locker, as he was incredibly untidy and she the opposite, so she knew this paper didn't belong to her. Her heart skipped a beat as she thought this was the suicide note everyone had been looking for. But as soon as she opened it up, she knew it wasn't; she'd know Blaine's curly scrawl anywhere. This was neat handwriting, all joined up, reading:

He's awake.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello again! Here's Chapter 6 for you. I hope this makes more sense than the last one, the thing I used before to separate sections didn't show up on , so I've changed it and this will hopefully work! Anyway, do enjoy and please review. Also, check out the Klaine one-shot I've written: A not so empty house. Thank you x**

Blaine's eyelids felt heavy as his mouth slowly released a low groan. He was aware of nothing but his erection: which seemed to be what woke him up. He tried to turn over and sort out the problem, but was unable to. He snapped his eyes open and the room swam into focus: a hospital room. Starting to panic, Blaine attempted to move but felt as if his someone else's legs were in front of him, not his own. He became conscious of his tight throat, his tingling fingers and sweaty face. He tried to speak but nothing came out. Now that he thought about it, he wasn't certain he knew how to speak, though he was sure he had done at some point. Tears rolling down his face, Blaine did the only thing he thought was possible- he screamed.

The effect was immediate. A pretty nurse rushed in and smiled when she saw his open eyes.

"Hello Blaine, I'm Rosmerta but you can call me Rosa. How are you feeling?" Blaine shook his head desperately and pointed at his throat. He was on the brink of panic and urgently needed Rosa to understand. Luckily she did, and grimaced at him.

"I see, can't talk then?" Blaine shook his head, grateful that she got him. "Yes, Dr Mann did say this might happen… I'll page him as soon as I can, and we'll get you looked at. I guess you've got a lot of unanswered questions?" Blaine nodded his head vigorously, "Well I've bought something for you. While I go fetch the doctor to examine you, I want you to watch this video that your friend Quinn made you. It explains everything, and should answer your questions." Blaine shook his head again and mimed writing down. Rosa handed him a pen and paper and he clumsily wrote her a message. It wasn't brilliant, but still legible: _I'm not listening to anything she has to say._

Rosa read it and frowned, "Ah, she said this might happen. You remember the argument you two had then?" Blaine made a face and wrote again: _Not really, I just remember that I should feel angry with her but not why. Does that make sense?_

Rosa nodded, "Complete sense. Well, it explains everything in the video, just give it a go, okay?" Blaine smiled at her and gave her a quick thumbs up. She laughed and turned to go. As she reached the door, she turned back to Blaine and gave him a sad smile, "I know this isn't ideal Blaine, but maybe you could use this opportunity to start afresh? I know what Quinn has done, you'll find out soon enough, and it was really bad. But she cares about you- she's hardly left the hospital since you've arrived. So just watch it with an open mind, yes?" Blaine considered the nurse and eventually gave her a friendly smile. She was kind, and he trusted her. He opened the laptop and pressed play on the open video. Quinn's face swam into focus and he gave a little smile. He didn't know what she'd done, but she was his best friend. He'd watch it with an open mind.

Blaine's face was flooded with tears by the time he'd finished watching the video for the second time. How could Quinn do that to him, just abandon him like that? Especially when he needed her the most! And he'd kissed Kurt? He was almost upset he couldn't remember that, he was sure Kurt was a great kisser.

"Sad video, almost pulled at my heartstrings and I was pretty sure I didn't have any." Blaine's head shot up and saw the lean and incredibly sexy figure of Kurt Hummel in the doorway. His heart skipped a beat and he wasn't sure whether it was in a good or bad way. He stared him down for a few moments and Kurt smiled.

"What's up, cat got your tongue?" Blaine shrugged in a way that he hoped said 'something like that'. Kurt seemed to have got the message as he looked nervously at his feet and gave out a small apology. They both were silent for minute until Kurt asked, "Can I sit down?" Blaine nodded and gestured towards to chair next to his bed. Kurt shuffled towards it slowly, as if worried Blaine would bite him if he got too close. Blaine waited patiently, raising a triangular eyebrow at Kurt's awkwardness. Never had Blaine been in charge before, and he liked it. Once Kurt was finally seated he seemed to gain some confidence and blurted out exactly what he had wanted to say all alone.

"I was brave Blaine, brave like Severus Snape." Blaine was taken aback but tried to stay cool. He grabbed the paper and wrote Kurt a quick reply: _He's a brave man. What did you do?_

"I almost came out of the closet." Blaine raised his eyebrow again in a way that said 'almost?' Kurt nodded and laughed, "I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's true. I'm gay Blaine, and it's easy to admit while I'm here with you because I know that you already know and I know you won't judge me. I told Azimio that I wasn't really attracted to girls and now I've moved out of the dorm. I want nothing more to do with them." Blaine let the bombshell sink in and wrote another quick message: _What's Severus Snape got to do with it?_ Kurt shook his head, "That's the part you focused on?" Blaine shrugged, making Kurt laugh again, "Well like you said, he's a brave man."

Now it was Blaine's turn to laugh. It was a weird sensation, feeling at ease around Kurt Hummel. But this Kurt was so different to the one he'd known before. He would never have guessed that Kurt was a Harry Potter geek just like him, or that he'd know how to make a joke that wasn't centred on boobs. Or that he'd admit he was gay. Blaine liked this Kurt, and somehow knew it was the real Kurt; that the old one was just an act he put on to learn to accept who he really was. It was partly his clothes that made it obvious; he was wearing a thick-knit cardigan with a white Tommy Hilfiger shirt and seriously tight trousers. It was a big difference to his usual, mainstream clothes. But Kurt was right: Blaine wouldn't judge him. But that didn't mean that Blaine would forgive him. The guy made his life hell for 2 years, so much so that he attempted suicide! That wasn't an easy thing to excuse. But he'd give him a chance, just like Rosa said.

"What are you thinking about?" Kurt asked him softly, disturbing his thoughts.

_You_. Kurt read it and smiled.

_Can you do me a favour?_

"Of course, what do you need?"

_Can you tell Quinn that I'm awake? I need to see her._

"Now?"

Blaine nodded.

"Was that Kurt, the guy who bullied you?" Rosa came into the side room about 30 seconds after Kurt left. Blaine nodded and wrote her an explanation: _He's gay and has realised his wrongdoings. Besides, I'm keeping an open mind. _

"Hm, seems like a bad idea to me Blaine…" Rosa made a face and came to sit by his bed.

_While your mothering is endearing and totally making me feel better, I've got this one in hand. Anyway, where's the doctor?_

Rosa laughed and swatted his ear, "Oi, cheeky! He's just on his way, should be here any minute."

Just as the words left her mouth, an Asian doctor entered the room with a wide smile on his face.

"Hello Blaine, I'm Dr Mann and I'll be helping you with your recovery. I hear you're having a problem with your voice and your legs, is that right?"

Blaine nodded.

"Okay, can you tell me how you're feeling on a scale of 10, with 10 being the best?"

Blaine held up 4 fingers.

"Ah, that's not very good is it? Would you like to write down what's wrong so I can help you?"

_Pounding headache; aching back; tingling fingers; really sore throat; struggling to breathe; can't feel my legs._

"On a scale of 10, with 10 being the most painful, can you tell me how bad your throat is feeling?"

Blaine held up 8 fingers.

"That's not great; I was hoping you wouldn't have a reaction to the rope around your neck… Well we'll get you some strong painkillers and an oxygen mask for if your breathing gets more difficult. I'll also get the voice therapist over to examine you. Is that everything for now?"

Blaine smiled and gave the doctor a thumbs up.

"Awesome, well Rosa will stay here with you and she'll call me if there's a problem. Okay then, I'll see you later Blaine."

Blaine waved his doctor out of the door and smiled to himself. He really was feeling like crap but at least the people looking after him were lovely.

"Guess you're stuck with me then buddy." Rosa said, "What do you want to do? We can play a game, watch a film…"

_Harry Potter marathon?_


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello! So here's Chapter 8, or whatever we're on, and I know it's pretty bad but I'm pretty much running on no sleep trying to get my work done. I'm very sorry, I'll try make it better next time, writing is something I love to do but it's bloody hard sometimes. Anyway, hope it's okay and that you enjoy it. **

Quinn read the note at least 15 times before she understood what was going on. Blaine was awake! And someone else had been there to hold his hand while he watched the video… The plan was already failing. Blaine would never forgive her if the plan wasn't successful, and she needed Blaine to forgive her. Quinn hurried to her dorm and stood in front of the wardrobe she shared with Brittany and Santana. There weren't many clothes in there other than Cheerio uniforms and some incredibly slutty clothes that Santana would wear when trying to get served in a bar. But Quinn dug around, past the usual skinny jeans and faded Budweiser tees that she wore in her free time, and found her dresses. These were the things she usually wore around the Glee Club, when not in her Cheerio uniform, to make them think she was normal. She generally didn't bother with the lies around Blaine, but these were desperate times, calling for desperate measures. She quickly disposed of her cheerleading uniform and exchanged it for a flowery skirt, white vest and denim waistcoat. She had bought the outfit while shopping with Blaine and knew it was one of his favourites. Adding a flower to her hair and putting her feet into some stylish ankle boots, Quinn got ready to leave. All she wanted was for Blaine to need her again, and she needed to play the part correctly. So if that meant dressing fashionably and telling a few white lies, then so be it.

"Oh come on Blaine, I am so bored of Harry Potter now!" Rosa giggled, relaxing even further into her chair.

_We've only watched two! Besides, the third one is the best. _Rosa read the note and groaned.

"You said that about the last two!"

_But this one actually is the best one: they go back in time!_

"No, we'll watch it tomorrow, okay?" Blaine nodded, admitting defeat. "I'll go see where that voice therapist got to, she should have arrived by now… Blaine? Blaine, can you hear me?"

Blaine could hear her but couldn't find any means of telling her so. He could feel his throat seizing up, like someone was forcing a large tube up his throat. The room was fading into blackness and Blaine knew he was drowning and that there was nothing anyone could do to stop it. As Rosa's calls got further away Blaine smiled to himself. He was quite calm, considering the circumstances. Even though he hadn't planned it this time, it seemed like the right way to go. He wasn't going to fight it and was going to greet Death as an equal.

Quinn stepped into the side room with Blaine's name on it and attempted a smile.

"Hello, Blainey… Blaine?" But Blaine wasn't there; the bed was empty. Frowning, Quinn went to find the nurse's station.

"Excuse me, I'm here to visit Blaine Anderson? I was told he was in the room over there, but it appears to be empty. Could you tell me where he is?"

The nurse looked up and gave Quinn a sympathetic look. "His left lung collapsed about an hour ago; he's in theatre as we speak. Shall I find someone to take you up there? You'll be able to see him when they've finished the surgery."

Quinn gripped the desk as her legs threatened to buckle underneath her. Surgery! The doctors hadn't mentioned anything about him possibly having a collapsed lung when she spoke to them, they were only worried that he'd have problems speaking and potentially moving around. She took some deep breaths to calm herself and nodded weakly to the nurse.

A young porter took her to theatre, chatting kindly about the weather and the Olympics. Quinn smiled at the right places and made the correct noises, but her mind was far from the Olympics. Blaine needing surgery definitely wasn't part of the plan, though maybe it wouldn't ruin it; only slow it down. She also needed to find whoever put that note in her locker: she had to be the only one helping Blaine with his recovery.

"Here we go, love. If you wait in here, they'll bring him along." The friendly porter gave her gentle smile and turned to go, leaving Quinn alone. She stood nervously, waiting for Blaine to come so she could hold his hand and tell him everything would be okay. As the minutes ticked on, her thoughts became darker and she wondered if she'd ever see Blaine alive again. By the time the doctor arrived, Quinn was an emotional wreck. She had a mixture of snot and tears clogging her face and was sitting in the corner of the room with trembling hands.

"Is he okay? Is he alive?" Quinn shouted when she saw the doctor, jumping up and running towards him.

"Yes, he's just on his way over here. We've put him into a medical coma until we think he's strong enough to breathe by himself."

"Can I sit with him?" Quinn whispered, pleading with the doctor.

"Of course," The doctor whispered back, taking in Quinn's tear-stained face, "Take as long as you need."

Another doctor arrived, as did two porters pushing a bed. Quinn ran to the side of it and stared down at Blaine's beautiful face. His lips were swollen and his neck was badly bruised but he was still Blaine. The professionals left, leaving Quinn alone in the room, sobbing over her best friend's unconscious body.

Quinn was sitting in the room four days later when Dr Mann came in with good news. Blaine's lungs seemed to be healing well and they would be waking him up in about three hours to see if he could cope. Quinn was relieved and decided to miss lessons for the day so she could be there when he woke up. She'd been spending most of the evenings and some lunchtimes with Blaine, often taking homework to do at his bedside. So far, she hadn't seen anyone else come to visit him and found herself wondering once again who had put the note in her locker. She didn't recognise the writing, maybe it was a teacher? But a teacher would tell her face to face, not leave a vague and anonymous letter in her locker. Maybe it was the doctor? But the doctor was far too busy to worry about writing notes for Quinn. It was a mystery she was determined to solve.

The doctors came in after lunch and starting injecting Blaine with a manner of things until he finally roused. Quinn watched as his eyelids slowly twitched open and the doctors rushed around him, attaching him to drips and giving him a peg feed. Blaine simply lay there, staring at the ceiling and avoiding eye contact with anyone. Once the doctors had finally left, Quinn apprehensively approached the bed.

"Hello Blainers, how are you doing?" But Blaine simply shook his head and turned away from her to face the opposite wall. "I know Blaine, I know I did a terrible thing. But you have to believe me, it won't happen again! I'm changing my ways: I'm going to quit the Cheerio's, and I'm not going to share a dorm with Santana and Brittany and…" Quinn was cut off as Blaine started to scribble something on a piece of paper.

_Don't come back until I can talk again. Stay away until then. Someone will tell you when you can come back._

Quinn read the note and started to cry again, "Why, Blainey?"

_Because I want to have a proper conversation with you: rather than you talking and me writing. We need to sort it out and this is the only way. So please stay away, I'm sorry._

Quinn stayed until Blaine fell asleep and then made her way back to school. She arrived in time for Glee Club but instead of heading to the choir room, headed to the girl's bathroom on the second floor. Her tears blocked her view as she stumbled around, looking for some sort of comfort in the harsh world. She reached the bathroom and screamed at the first years until they hastily left for another place to do their makeup and gossip about boys. She reached inside the loose ceiling tile for her old equipment and found it easily. She hadn't needed this stuff since meeting Blaine, but things changed. He was leaving her and she was therefore going back to her old ways. She took a long swig of cheap Vodka until the room started spinning. She drank until she was numb and knew it was time to get started. The first cut stung as it used to but the more she did it, the less it hurt. In fact, it was a welcome feeling by the time she had streams of blood covering her arms and legs. She cut until the physical pain matched her emotional pain and then collapsed on the floor, hoping that Blaine would never have to see her like this.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello readers! I'm sorry about the self-harm in the last chapter- I know it's a sensitive area. If you're worried or anything and need a chat, feel free to message me. It's something I have first-hand experience with and I'm more than happy to help. Anyway, here's Chapter 9, I hope you enjoy. Alice x**

It was a Tuesday morning, and Kurt slipped into the cafeteria ten minutes before lessons were due to start. It was quietest at this time and he had luckily missed the bulk of the football players and Cheerios. He also knew that Quinn liked to eat late and he desperately needed to speak to her, to make sure she was okay. Though Quinn had thought she was the only one visiting Blaine whilst he was in his induced coma, she had been wrong. Kurt had been creeping in at any given time, avoiding breakfast and lessons if need be. So he knew all about Blaine's collapsed lung, and had also read the note Blaine had written Quinn. Kurt knew that she would have no one, and was weirdly concerned about her, even though he knew she'd stop him being with Blaine. But no one deserved to be alone.

However, Quinn wasn't at her usual table, though Santana and Brittany were. Kurt took a deep breath and nervously approached them.

"Hey Santana," He whispered, tapping her gently on the shoulder.

"Oh Hummel, aren't you brave?" Santana narrowed her eyes when she saw who had disturbed her breakfast, "You think I'm going to let you go that easily? After what you did to Blaine? Fat chance. I'm going to…"

"Shut up and listen to me." Kurt interrupted, "I'm not here to threaten anyone or to listen to your violence. Where's Quinn?"

Santana seemed shocked by the interjection and glanced down at Kurt's clothes. He was wearing a pair of pale jeans which hugged his legs, a stylish and expensive looking polo shirt, a knitted grey cardigan and a pair of polished brogues. Her eyes shifted up to his face and settled on the faint bruises around his eyes where he'd met Karofsky in the hallway the day before. Despite herself, Santana softened and decided to turn of the defensive.

"She didn't come back to the dorm last night, and I haven't seen her this morning," She replied loftily, "I assumed she was visiting Blaine. Why are you asking Hummel?"

"Where would she be if she wasn't visiting Blaine?" Kurt asked, knowing that he'd been at the hospital last night, not her.

"I don't know Kurt, I don't keep a tracker on her! What's with all the questions, is she okay?" Santana's expression turned worried as Kurt started to wring his hands. Kurt shook his head, thinking hard. His mind rewound to that morning, and he remembered hurrying down the corridor and bumping into a long line of girls on the fourth floor.

_**"What's your problem?" He snapped maliciously, trying to squeeze past._

"_Keep your pants on," The third year shouted back, cocking her hip and folding her arms, "We're just trying to use the bathroom._

"_No one uses the fourth floor bathroom." Kurt sneered and tried to push past the girl again, who blocked his way._

"_They do when someone's locked themselves in the second floor bathroom and has refused to open the God damn door." She screeched, her black eyes scrunching in anger._

"_Who needs to keep their pants on now?" Kurt smirked as he finally barged past her on his way to the cafeteria.**_

"Shit," He muttered, and started to run from the room.

"Hummel!" Santana yelled after him, "What the hell are you on about?"

But Kurt ignored her and made his way to the second floor. He knew that he was the last person Quinn would want to see right now, but he was also the only person who could help her. And though they'd had their disagreements, and she outright hated him, he couldn't bear the thought of doing nothing if she needed someone.

He approached the bathroom door and pushed a couple of first years out of the way.

"Get lost," He hissed to them and they hastily legged it. The door was still locked and Kurt put his ear to it. Silence. Starting to panic, he ran at the door and rammed his shoulder into the wood. It budged a centimetre. He tried again and again until the lock finally gave way. He fell into the room and instantly spotted Quinn. She was lying on the floor in a pool of her own blood. He noticed the cuts on her legs and wrists and the empty bottle of vodka in her hand. She was starting to stir and he hurried to her side, shutting the door behind him first.

"Kurt?" Quinn whispered groggily, staring at him blankly.

"Jesus Christ, you really are a mess aren't you?" He asked softly, staring at the stained razor blades on the floor around them. Quinn gave a small chuckle and leaned on his shoulder clumsily.

"I really hate you Kurt, I really do." She laughed.

"You're drunk." He responded, slowly lifting her off the floor, "Come on, let's take you to the nurse."

Quinn fought him off and collapsed back on the ground, "No!" She cried, curling into a ball, "You can't tell anyone! They'll take me away, they'll make me see someone… No one can know." She started to sob, her body shaking violently. Kurt stared at her for a few minutes before rubbing her arm soothingly.

"Can you help me Kurt? You can look after me, can't you? We don't need anyone else." Quinn sniffled as the tears faded away. Kurt looked at her red arms and her white face and felt a tug of sympathy. Taking her to the nurse would be the right thing to do, but since when has Kurt Hummel ever done the right thing? Plus, he knew that Blaine would clean her up and keep it a secret, and he wanted to be good like Blaine.

"Okay." He whispered and held her as the sobs took over once more.

"I saw Quinn today." Kurt said, leaning closer to the hospital bed. Blaine turned to look at him and raised a triangular eyebrow.

"She told me not to tell anyone what happened." Blaine shrugged in a way that said 'you shouldn't tell me then' but Kurt shook his head.

"I don't think you count. You're her best friend." Blaine sneered but Kurt carried on.

"She had cut herself, Blaine. Really badly. She was an absolute mess when I saw her, and she even asked me to help her. That's hitting rock bottom, trust me." Blaine shook his head and gave a small smile.

"I think you should talk to her." Blaine gave a sarcastic smile that said 'oh yeah, great idea seeing as I have no voice' and Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Stop being so stubborn, I'm being serious. You can't just leave her like that, she needs you. And I know you're missing her." Kurt finished quietly. Blaine sat for a few moments before pointing to the door.

"Oh stop being ridiculous." Kurt scoffed, relaxing back into his chair. But Blaine narrowed his eyes and continued pointing at the door.

"Fine," Kurt snapped, rising from his chair and grabbing his bag, "I'll see you when you decide to grow up." And with that, he stormed from the room.

Blaine stared at the door, his eyes filling with angry tears. He was sick of not being able to speak, especially when people were arguing with him and he couldn't give his own views. How dare Kurt say he was being stubborn, when Quinn had practically told him to commit suicide! He didn't want to just forgive her when he was cross with her, that wasn't fair. He hated the idea of her cutting herself, the scars on her wrists made him feel sick, but Kurt couldn't just barge in here and tell Blaine that it was all his fault! Blaine didn't deserve to feel guilty. He rubbed his eyes furiously and rang the bell on his bed. An unfamiliar nurse came in, settled him down onto his pillows and tucked an extra blanket around his useless legs. Blaine didn't speak with her; instead lay silently staring at the ceiling, wishing Kurt had left him hanging in the bathroom.


	10. Chapter 10

It had been a week since Kurt had spoken to Blaine, and his feelings of fury had died down long ago, though it seemed that Blaine's hadn't. Kurt had gone to visit him every day and had barely made it past the door before Blaine had narrowed his eyes and pointed a shaky finger towards the exit. Not that that stopped Kurt of course, and he stubbornly turned up at the hospital every day with a bouquet of seasonal flowers and a box of Blaine's favourite chocolates. Blaine had now started accepting the gifts, so Kurt knew they were on their way to being friends again.

But life was getting harder at school, and Kurt was worried that if he couldn't see Blaine soon then he might do something stupid. He had quite a way with his fists, and knew that Dave Karofsky really deserved to lose a couple of teeth. Being violent wouldn't make Blaine like him though, and so far Kurt had managed to stay calm but one more comment or one more push against the lockers, and he would snap. He hated himself for it, because he knew he'd done the same to Blaine for two years and yet he could hardly last a month. That thought made him sick, so he pushed it down to the back of his brain and picked a happier memory instead.

_**"Hey Rosa," Kurt called to the nurse's back as she leant over the hospital bed. She stood up and glanced suspiciously at Kurt._

"_Hello." She replied shortly, folding her arms._

"_How's he doing?" Kurt asked, nodding his head to the bed behind Rosa. She shifted uncomfortably and refused to maintain eye contact with him, instead turning to look at the comatose Blaine._

"_Still the same to be honest, we have no idea whether his lung is any better." She paused for a minute, staring fondly at the boy, before heading towards the door, "I'll leave you alone."_

"_Hey Blaine," Kurt whispered softly once Rosa had left the room. He stood awkwardly at Blaine's bedside and placed a warm hand on his cold forehead. He didn't expect Blaine to respond, hell Blaine hadn't responded in days, but it still hurt to see only a shell of a body._

"_I thought of you last night Blaine. I mean, sure, I think about you all the time but you don't want to know about those thoughts." Kurt felt himself blushing into the empty room and cursed himself for being so ridiculous. "Anyway, I was sitting on the roof doing my English coursework because I don't dare do it in school anymore. And it was a nice evening so I got my coat and a very fashionable scarf and headed up there. I was just about finished when I decided to take in my surroundings. And I'm so happy I did. There was the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen in my life. The sky was just overcome with colour and it instantly calmed me, like I could do anything I wanted to. I tried to take a photo for you, but it just didn't work. Nothing could do the colours and the textures of it justice. At first I was pissed off, because I really wanted you to see it, but when I sat there and thought about it, well it made sense. Because nature was so beautiful in that moment, and no technology would ever be able to win over that. Only those people who were there in that instant would be able to experience that, and it couldn't be replicated. It seemed fair." Kurt stopped abruptly, aware that he was babbling and stared at the handsome boy on the bed. The boy who appeared to have a slight smile turning up the corner of his dry lips. Kurt gave a small smile himself, pressed a kiss to Blaine's forehead, and left the hospital.**_

"I think that's a wrap! Well done guys!" Mr Scheu called from the side of the room as the New Direction boys panted over the ending of their performance.

"That song was nice guys." Santana smiled kindly, shrugging her shoulders when her friends gave her questioning looks, "What, am I not allowed to say a nice thing?"

"She's right, that song was _so_ Unicorn." Brittany nodded sincerely.

"Well I'll just add that to the playlist, and the CD should be ready to give to Blaine! Are you taking it for us Quinn?" Mr Scheu asked.

"What? Oh, yeah, sure, no problem." Quinn blushed and fought off the tears that were threatening to take over.

"Okay, awesome! I'll see you guys tomorrow, rehearsals for Sectionals, so bring your dancing shoes!" Quinn hurried from the room as soon as excused and ran as quickly as possible to her dorm. She slammed the door shut and collapsed on the floor, big fat tears rolling down her cheeks. She knew it was ridiculous, that New Directions would support her if she was missing Blaine, but she couldn't admit it to them. That Blaine didn't need her anymore.

"Quinn, open up you selfish cow, we all own this dorm!" She heard Santana knocking wildly on the door. She quickly dried her eyes and unlocked the door.

"Sorry." She muttered, trying to push past the two girls.

"Wait, where are you going?" Brittany asked concerned, grabbing hold of Quinn's arm.

"The library, I've got some extra work to do." Quinn responded swiftly, yanking her arm from Brittany's grip and running down the corridor before they could answer.

She didn't lie, and did go to the library, but only because she knew it was the one place she wouldn't bump into any Cheerios. She grabbed her and Blaine's usual table in the back corner and settled her head in her arms, ready for the tears to come again.

Kurt was sick of his small and damp dorm room, and almost missed his old one, despite having shared it with morons. He decided to get out of there and quickly made his way to the library: seeing as it minus degrees outside the roof didn't seem like a good idea. He silently crept in and settled himself into a sofa near the back, knowing he could watch people come in and out but they wouldn't see him. It paid to be invisible these days.

But before he could really get comfortable, his phone started to blast out a _Wicked _song. Cursing himself and vowing to get a more subtle ringtone, he answered it.

"Hello?"

"Uh... H-h-hey." Kurt frowned, trying to figure out where he recognised the soft voice from.

"K-Kurt?" It suddenly clicked. _Blaine_.

"Oh my gosh, Blaine! It's you, you're ringing me! How are you?" Kurt grinned and he heard Blaine laugh.

"O-okay. Do, do, do you want t-to come? Hospital?" Blaine's voice was stuttering and very hard to hear but at least it was there.

"I'll see you in 10." Kurt replied.

"Co-cool. Bye." Blaine cut off the call and Kurt couldn't help but smile. Not only could Blaine talk again, but he wanted to see Kurt! He leapt up from the sofa and ran from the library as quickly as his legs would take him.

Quinn sat unnoticed in the corner of the room, staring at the boy as he left, wondering whether she'd ever feel needed again.


End file.
